(totally wasn't thinking that title to the tune of Frank Turner's Four Simple Words. Nope. Not at all.)
So I've been meaning to write a new entry for a while now, after all, it's been a month since uni finally finished up and I ought to have written about that as soon as it happened. I'm sticking to the excuse that I needed to wind down from the build-up of stress up to that final weekend and the sudden lack of anything to do. Well, I'm sure there've been plenty of things to do, but there was nothing I needed to do. It's been nice, if initially disconcerting.
Onwards to the details of what happened during the last leg of my second year? At first it felt like everything was falling apart. I honestly thought I'd led my whole group into failure, because we had nothing sorted for our drama film and two weeks until the deadline. I think there's only really been one other occasion during which I've hated myself more. Thankfully, a friend who is an actor had seen one of our messages on the university's intranet system, and he and his friend became our cast, essentially saving our bacon. Over the next couple of weeks we were able to shoot the film and have a beautiful edit ready for the deadline - although if you talk to our editor, he wasn't happy with it - and ready for the in-university film festival it had to be screened at.
Over the weekend 6th-7th of April, our production group screened our drama and documentary films at the u-drama and u-doc festival. I'll be completely honest here, some of the other films were comparatively much better, and some were not so much. Saying that may come across as sounding cocky, but I mean it in the sense that we produced a much better film than I thought we would. I'm incredibly proud and excited to be able to say our drama film won the award for best sound (despite the editor's complaints), and our documentary took home the award for most original. It also turned out that one of our harshest lecturers, and in my eyes the one to please, really liked our drama piece and wanted it to win some other awards, which still amazes me, a month on. It's crazy to look back on all of the stresses and panics I've had this year, and then be able to say 'I'm an award-winning filmmaker'. It just doesn't seem to make sense - no complaints, though!
Hopefully soon I'll be able to come up with a more substantial blog post in the near future, this one has basically just repeated things everyone I know already knows. All I really have to add is that expo is just around the corner, which I'm really looking forward to, and I have loads left to do beforehand. I'm hand-making the entire outfit for one of my cosplays, which involves a lot of sewing, painting, and I'll even have to half-dye a wig, which will be interesting. My main cosplay of the weekend is mostly being made by a good friend of mine - in fact I'm only actually wearing the costume because she wanted to make it - at least, that's how it was initially, now I'm really looking forward to actually wearing it. I have to style the wig, though, which amusingly enough is going to be another half-dye job, along with some crazy spikes. So far, I've done two of the spikes. My final cosplay will probably be Rainbow Dash, which means I need to go to some cheap clothing stores to assemble all of the blue - I already have enough rainbow for it. So less than a month and not a single completed costume - this is actually completely normal for expo, often I've been working on costumes until the day before I travel down to London, so I'm not too worried. As I said before, I'm mostly just looking forward to it. I will certainly have to post another blog after expo, since I'm sure it will be as fun if not more so than the last one I attended in October.
That's all I have to waffle on about at present, so for now I will bid you all adieu.
Turn End,
Devan
Sunday 5 May 2013
Saturday 2 March 2013
I Never Meant to Wither, I Wanted to be Tall...
...Like a fool left the river, and watched my branches fall...
It's quite odd, looking back to September 2011, and the enthusiasm with which I approached starting university. Everything was new and exciting and interesting, and it was time for me to make my place in the world. That was only a year ago, and yet I think back to then and see myself as such a child - after all, as I've explained before I was just running away from things happening back home. It seems when life comes down to Fight or Flight, I always go for Flight. I'm sat here thinking about a year ago and wondering where all that confidence came from. I was in one of my lowest emotional states at the time, yet I seemed to get on quite well when I started out at university. Unfortunately, now, I've seen what I came here to see, I've learnt what I came here to learn, and I've experienced enough to feel that it's getting a little repetitive. I keep hiding what I'm thinking and feeling, so it all comes out in one messy explosion of negativity for somebody, usually my parents, to endure. Experience tells me that this is not healthy, that it can make matters worse, and that I really shouldn't do it. Telling people is easy enough - once you start, it's like a floodgate opens and you can just roll with it. The tricky part is knowing who to tell, and I'm only writing it here because, bar maybe three people, I've no idea who reads my blog and so I'm talking to faceless people who can't hate me for feeling the way I do.
I am really struggling to handle this course. Within each module is a project with an enormous workload, and these modules run alongside each other, so we're constantly swamped with work - or if we're not, it feels like we should be. I'm no expert on the functionality of others, but I do know that I personally cannot work like that. With the amount of work that needs doing, and the separate groups we're working in for different modules, it's difficult to organise when we can do what and with who, which leads to a confused mess - in my mind, anyway - of the projects and what needs to be done. I seem to suffer from an awkward ailment of requiring total organisation in order to see that everything is being done, and lacking the organisational skills to actually keep affairs in order. I suppose, in a way, this course is like walking on custard; when you're running, it feels amazing, but when you get stuck it seems impossible to break free. Presently, I'm stomach deep in the custard with the nearest people just out of reach.
I was told by a friend recently that I worry too much, and I guess I can see that, but with the current state of how my university work is going (in particular the project I'm responsible for), I'm struggling to do anything but worry constantly. I'm not good at being in charge, I'm not particularly outgoing, and as previously stated, I'm no good at organisation. As a result of this, an entire module of ours is suffering heavily, and I don't know how to fix it. Every day, more complications rise up and just add to the bucket full of panic I have balanced on my head, and I just...I don't know what to do. If this course didn't have so much going on at once, maybe I would have been able to keep it under control, but as it is I have no idea.
However, despite all the stress and confusion that uni is causing me, of which I've barely said anything, there are some little things that have been helping to keep me sane. I got invited to join in with a little acoustic band, and since I love music - hearing it, playing it, singing it - I went along, and had a really good time and managed to actually feel relaxed for once since September. It was so much nicer than I ever thought to be able to make noise and to sing around other people just because I wanted to and not have everyone in the room howling at me to shut up. Small freedoms can make a big difference, it seems. In addition to this, over the past couple of weeks I have started to act somewhat more like a person of my age - or that's the impression Ive been given, anyway. Rather than staying in all night every night, I'm getting out of the flat and going to a pub with a friend. I don't drink, and so this is something I never really did before, at least, not with any sense of frequency, but I've come to realise that my choice of drink is unimportant. It's the fact that we're getting out of our homes, socialising and simply enjoying ourselves that matters. I imagine that to the majority of people reading this, what I've just written must sound a little ridiculous - to be marvelling at such small wonders at my age, but with me it seems that it's always the little things that have the biggest impact, or are always the things I learn last. I don't know, I just enjoy it. And also, I'm equal parts grateful and surprised that the friend who introduced to me to this whole new thing is able to put up with me so much - so if/when you read this, thanks for helping to keep me sane. And apologies for all the emotions on this post.
This is my third attempt at this blog post, and even this final version has taken me over an hour to write. I'm not sure why this particular post has been troubling me so much, given that I've wanted to write a new entry for well over a week, and people have asked me when it's getting updated. It was clearly time, but the words just wouldn't come. Here it is, at last, though, and I have learnt something about myself whilst writing it...I use really strange analogies... To end on a nice, light, note, I went home to film for our documentary this weekend, and on the way back I brought my guitar. (Technically my father's guitar but since I play it more I'll call it mine. It's less confusing that way.) Loving having it back in my possession, I started playing it again almost instantly, and I decided to record myself playing/singing a cover. The sound quality is appalling, but if you wanted to listen, here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/devanfulham/stay-stay-stay-cover/
Well, that's another on-screen expulsion of my current thoughts and feelings - thanks for reading. Until the next time.
Turn End,
Devan.
It's quite odd, looking back to September 2011, and the enthusiasm with which I approached starting university. Everything was new and exciting and interesting, and it was time for me to make my place in the world. That was only a year ago, and yet I think back to then and see myself as such a child - after all, as I've explained before I was just running away from things happening back home. It seems when life comes down to Fight or Flight, I always go for Flight. I'm sat here thinking about a year ago and wondering where all that confidence came from. I was in one of my lowest emotional states at the time, yet I seemed to get on quite well when I started out at university. Unfortunately, now, I've seen what I came here to see, I've learnt what I came here to learn, and I've experienced enough to feel that it's getting a little repetitive. I keep hiding what I'm thinking and feeling, so it all comes out in one messy explosion of negativity for somebody, usually my parents, to endure. Experience tells me that this is not healthy, that it can make matters worse, and that I really shouldn't do it. Telling people is easy enough - once you start, it's like a floodgate opens and you can just roll with it. The tricky part is knowing who to tell, and I'm only writing it here because, bar maybe three people, I've no idea who reads my blog and so I'm talking to faceless people who can't hate me for feeling the way I do.
I am really struggling to handle this course. Within each module is a project with an enormous workload, and these modules run alongside each other, so we're constantly swamped with work - or if we're not, it feels like we should be. I'm no expert on the functionality of others, but I do know that I personally cannot work like that. With the amount of work that needs doing, and the separate groups we're working in for different modules, it's difficult to organise when we can do what and with who, which leads to a confused mess - in my mind, anyway - of the projects and what needs to be done. I seem to suffer from an awkward ailment of requiring total organisation in order to see that everything is being done, and lacking the organisational skills to actually keep affairs in order. I suppose, in a way, this course is like walking on custard; when you're running, it feels amazing, but when you get stuck it seems impossible to break free. Presently, I'm stomach deep in the custard with the nearest people just out of reach.
I was told by a friend recently that I worry too much, and I guess I can see that, but with the current state of how my university work is going (in particular the project I'm responsible for), I'm struggling to do anything but worry constantly. I'm not good at being in charge, I'm not particularly outgoing, and as previously stated, I'm no good at organisation. As a result of this, an entire module of ours is suffering heavily, and I don't know how to fix it. Every day, more complications rise up and just add to the bucket full of panic I have balanced on my head, and I just...I don't know what to do. If this course didn't have so much going on at once, maybe I would have been able to keep it under control, but as it is I have no idea.
However, despite all the stress and confusion that uni is causing me, of which I've barely said anything, there are some little things that have been helping to keep me sane. I got invited to join in with a little acoustic band, and since I love music - hearing it, playing it, singing it - I went along, and had a really good time and managed to actually feel relaxed for once since September. It was so much nicer than I ever thought to be able to make noise and to sing around other people just because I wanted to and not have everyone in the room howling at me to shut up. Small freedoms can make a big difference, it seems. In addition to this, over the past couple of weeks I have started to act somewhat more like a person of my age - or that's the impression Ive been given, anyway. Rather than staying in all night every night, I'm getting out of the flat and going to a pub with a friend. I don't drink, and so this is something I never really did before, at least, not with any sense of frequency, but I've come to realise that my choice of drink is unimportant. It's the fact that we're getting out of our homes, socialising and simply enjoying ourselves that matters. I imagine that to the majority of people reading this, what I've just written must sound a little ridiculous - to be marvelling at such small wonders at my age, but with me it seems that it's always the little things that have the biggest impact, or are always the things I learn last. I don't know, I just enjoy it. And also, I'm equal parts grateful and surprised that the friend who introduced to me to this whole new thing is able to put up with me so much - so if/when you read this, thanks for helping to keep me sane. And apologies for all the emotions on this post.
This is my third attempt at this blog post, and even this final version has taken me over an hour to write. I'm not sure why this particular post has been troubling me so much, given that I've wanted to write a new entry for well over a week, and people have asked me when it's getting updated. It was clearly time, but the words just wouldn't come. Here it is, at last, though, and I have learnt something about myself whilst writing it...I use really strange analogies... To end on a nice, light, note, I went home to film for our documentary this weekend, and on the way back I brought my guitar. (Technically my father's guitar but since I play it more I'll call it mine. It's less confusing that way.) Loving having it back in my possession, I started playing it again almost instantly, and I decided to record myself playing/singing a cover. The sound quality is appalling, but if you wanted to listen, here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/devanfulham/stay-stay-stay-cover/
Well, that's another on-screen expulsion of my current thoughts and feelings - thanks for reading. Until the next time.
Turn End,
Devan.
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Lions Make You Brave, Giants Give you Faith...
...You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid.
Today brought a spark of almost-sort of-maybe progress for me. My production company has had the .com url for the group name for some time now, but up until today we'd done nothing with it. This was beginning to frustrate me as it was sitting there, professional, beautiful, and so empty. Thus, I took it upon myself to attempt to fill it. Having upgraded my MacBook to a MacBook Pro recently, I find myself in possession of a brilliant little piece of software called 'iWeb'. This is a website building program, and it is gloriously simple to use. No longer must I slave away at the nightmare that is Adobe Dreamweaver. After not a very long time at all, I have created all the necessary pages for the site, and put as much content on it as I can at the present moment. For those who are interested, I will post the link to the site at the end of this blog - though I cannot promise that the site will have updated - I'm no computer wizz, and I'm not quite sure how to post it to the domain.
On another positive note, our group has created an 'indiegogo' page and a rather cute little video to go alongside it. Indiegogo is a website through which people can obtain funding for projects that require a higher budget than they can produce through their own income - and since our documentary plans are quite ambitious, we will certainly require this funding. There are a number of 'perks' available to those who do donate, varying in value depending on the contribution they make. If you are interested in our documentary, or perhaps even feeling generous enough to aid us in the production of it, I will also be posting the link to our indiegogo page.
As time goes on, I am, admittedly, realising how ill-suited I am for time on-set in our productions. It is a shame, really, because I used to love setting up a camera and bringing my mental images into reality, although that didn't happen very often. This year of my course truly does seem to be about discovering the roles we want to/ should pursue as careers once we're finished with university, and as you will know, I have been struggling with this. We had a workshop directing two professional actors only yesterday, and I displayed my incredible ineptitude for directing quite plainly. When it came to seeing the actors perform, and thinking, 'That's not really how I imagined it', I would just stand there, looking at them. Their performances were always brilliant, but they weren't what I wanted, and I couldn't tell them. I seemed to lose the inability to speak, opening my mouth and hearing silence. Even when it came to calling 'action' and 'cut' my volume was so low that I had to say it twice on occasion, because the camera operators didn't hear me.
As one can see, I'm clearly not the right sort of person to be commanding a group of actors and crew members, and so I find myself experimenting behind the scenes. When devising our short drama film, my head began swimming with mental images of the main character, and as soon as I had contact with plain paper I was drawing him. So I'm now putting myself in the role of creating concept art for the piece. Another thing I recently discovered I enjoy is Adobe After Effects. Special Effects in film and television have always been something I am interested in, since I am a lover of the science fiction and fantasy genres. I never really thought of it as something for me to specialise in, but what I have done so far with the program has been relatively simple, and certainly good fun - though I realise that the better I want to get, the harder it will become to use. And finally, I have started attempting editing. Despite my disastrous performance of directing yesterday, we left the workshop with footage that is definitely 'good'. The chief editor within our group set us a challenge within group - we'll all have a little go at editing the piece and then compare the results after. I lept to the occasion with enthusiasm, and whilst I have found it somewhat difficult, I'm sure it could have been worse - and I am quite proud of my achievements for a first attempt. When I get a moment, I will upload these endeavours onto my personal youtube channel for all to see, and I will post that link in my next blog.
Links:
http://www.indiegogo.com/stamped?c=home
http://www.badduckproductions.com/SiteBad_Duck_Productions/Bad_Duck_Productions.html
So, for the first time in a while, I am rounding off a blog post on a positive note. Whilst I am still worried about whether I'm suited for the course, or whether I'll succeed in my attempts, I have finally found tasks that I can occupy myself with and enjoy, and I plan to focus on those. Thank you to all who have endured my ramblings.
Turn End,
Devan.
Today brought a spark of almost-sort of-maybe progress for me. My production company has had the .com url for the group name for some time now, but up until today we'd done nothing with it. This was beginning to frustrate me as it was sitting there, professional, beautiful, and so empty. Thus, I took it upon myself to attempt to fill it. Having upgraded my MacBook to a MacBook Pro recently, I find myself in possession of a brilliant little piece of software called 'iWeb'. This is a website building program, and it is gloriously simple to use. No longer must I slave away at the nightmare that is Adobe Dreamweaver. After not a very long time at all, I have created all the necessary pages for the site, and put as much content on it as I can at the present moment. For those who are interested, I will post the link to the site at the end of this blog - though I cannot promise that the site will have updated - I'm no computer wizz, and I'm not quite sure how to post it to the domain.
On another positive note, our group has created an 'indiegogo' page and a rather cute little video to go alongside it. Indiegogo is a website through which people can obtain funding for projects that require a higher budget than they can produce through their own income - and since our documentary plans are quite ambitious, we will certainly require this funding. There are a number of 'perks' available to those who do donate, varying in value depending on the contribution they make. If you are interested in our documentary, or perhaps even feeling generous enough to aid us in the production of it, I will also be posting the link to our indiegogo page.
As time goes on, I am, admittedly, realising how ill-suited I am for time on-set in our productions. It is a shame, really, because I used to love setting up a camera and bringing my mental images into reality, although that didn't happen very often. This year of my course truly does seem to be about discovering the roles we want to/ should pursue as careers once we're finished with university, and as you will know, I have been struggling with this. We had a workshop directing two professional actors only yesterday, and I displayed my incredible ineptitude for directing quite plainly. When it came to seeing the actors perform, and thinking, 'That's not really how I imagined it', I would just stand there, looking at them. Their performances were always brilliant, but they weren't what I wanted, and I couldn't tell them. I seemed to lose the inability to speak, opening my mouth and hearing silence. Even when it came to calling 'action' and 'cut' my volume was so low that I had to say it twice on occasion, because the camera operators didn't hear me.
As one can see, I'm clearly not the right sort of person to be commanding a group of actors and crew members, and so I find myself experimenting behind the scenes. When devising our short drama film, my head began swimming with mental images of the main character, and as soon as I had contact with plain paper I was drawing him. So I'm now putting myself in the role of creating concept art for the piece. Another thing I recently discovered I enjoy is Adobe After Effects. Special Effects in film and television have always been something I am interested in, since I am a lover of the science fiction and fantasy genres. I never really thought of it as something for me to specialise in, but what I have done so far with the program has been relatively simple, and certainly good fun - though I realise that the better I want to get, the harder it will become to use. And finally, I have started attempting editing. Despite my disastrous performance of directing yesterday, we left the workshop with footage that is definitely 'good'. The chief editor within our group set us a challenge within group - we'll all have a little go at editing the piece and then compare the results after. I lept to the occasion with enthusiasm, and whilst I have found it somewhat difficult, I'm sure it could have been worse - and I am quite proud of my achievements for a first attempt. When I get a moment, I will upload these endeavours onto my personal youtube channel for all to see, and I will post that link in my next blog.
Links:
http://www.indiegogo.com/stamped?c=home
http://www.badduckproductions.com/SiteBad_Duck_Productions/Bad_Duck_Productions.html
So, for the first time in a while, I am rounding off a blog post on a positive note. Whilst I am still worried about whether I'm suited for the course, or whether I'll succeed in my attempts, I have finally found tasks that I can occupy myself with and enjoy, and I plan to focus on those. Thank you to all who have endured my ramblings.
Turn End,
Devan.
Monday 14 January 2013
And This is the Way the World Ends...
...Not with a bang, but a whimper. Which, I'd say, is a pretty apt description of how I'm feeling.
Tomorrow I resume lectures at university, and there's no hiding it - I am, quite frankly, terrified. After my experiences last semester, my already low confidence levels in my abilities dwindled dramatically. I am painfully aware that I lack the experience and skill that a lot of my course mates possess, and unfortunately, to get the best results possible, it's best to put those with the experience in the important roles. This leaves those of us with the lesser knowledge unable to gain the experience necessary to match our peers, and so I worry that I'll just be floating around in the background.
I have resolved, however, that whilst I'll be taking a back seat to the tasks I once thought I'd greatly enjoy, that I will do what is within my power to raise my knowledge and capabilities outside the world of academia. I'll be taking my camera on various outings to practice with it, for example, and I plan on badgering group members to see if they'll let me watch as they go about their tasks - editing, for example, whilst not a skill I aspire to owning, will nevertheless be useful in the long run.
My current largest worry, with the impending lectures, is that I will struggle to enjoy them, as happened last semester, or that I will visibly struggle in front of my peers when embarking on the practical aspects which I know of the lectures will contain. This is where I must grit my teeth and simply do my best, whilst hoping I won't be the only one who isn't just naturally inclined towards all of the skills we will be learning and practicing. A particularly large hurdle in my improvement is that I am always nervous when observed doing things - with the exception of singing, during which I revel in the performance.
On a slightly more positive note, I returned to my university flat this Saturday, and found I settled back in rather easily. I had thought I would miss all of the comforts of my bedroom at home, but found that when absorbed in my computer or some other form of entertainment that it barely mattered. I also feel as though I've had better sleep the past few days than my last few at home - be that down to unnecessary worry or simply coincidence I'm not sure.
It is now a fortnight into 2013, and I can happily say that I have actually been somewhat successful with my new year's resolutions: I haven't had any Mountain Dew since well before New Years, and I have been eating better - and fully plan to continue doing so. This is my second blog within the fortnight, and so I can say that I have been blogging more often already. My final resolution, that of flattening my stomach, is one I have yet to start, but I haven't had much of a chance - such things don't happen overnight, after all. Once I have settled into a routine with university work and general life, I will work in my efforts to improve my physical appearance.
This particular blog post has been a rather worry-strewn, emotional piece, and so I must thank you, the reader, for reading all the way through my concerns, which may one day seem petty even to me. And with that, I believe I have run out of things to talk about, and so I bid you farewell.
Turn End,
Devan
Tomorrow I resume lectures at university, and there's no hiding it - I am, quite frankly, terrified. After my experiences last semester, my already low confidence levels in my abilities dwindled dramatically. I am painfully aware that I lack the experience and skill that a lot of my course mates possess, and unfortunately, to get the best results possible, it's best to put those with the experience in the important roles. This leaves those of us with the lesser knowledge unable to gain the experience necessary to match our peers, and so I worry that I'll just be floating around in the background.
I have resolved, however, that whilst I'll be taking a back seat to the tasks I once thought I'd greatly enjoy, that I will do what is within my power to raise my knowledge and capabilities outside the world of academia. I'll be taking my camera on various outings to practice with it, for example, and I plan on badgering group members to see if they'll let me watch as they go about their tasks - editing, for example, whilst not a skill I aspire to owning, will nevertheless be useful in the long run.
My current largest worry, with the impending lectures, is that I will struggle to enjoy them, as happened last semester, or that I will visibly struggle in front of my peers when embarking on the practical aspects which I know of the lectures will contain. This is where I must grit my teeth and simply do my best, whilst hoping I won't be the only one who isn't just naturally inclined towards all of the skills we will be learning and practicing. A particularly large hurdle in my improvement is that I am always nervous when observed doing things - with the exception of singing, during which I revel in the performance.
On a slightly more positive note, I returned to my university flat this Saturday, and found I settled back in rather easily. I had thought I would miss all of the comforts of my bedroom at home, but found that when absorbed in my computer or some other form of entertainment that it barely mattered. I also feel as though I've had better sleep the past few days than my last few at home - be that down to unnecessary worry or simply coincidence I'm not sure.
It is now a fortnight into 2013, and I can happily say that I have actually been somewhat successful with my new year's resolutions: I haven't had any Mountain Dew since well before New Years, and I have been eating better - and fully plan to continue doing so. This is my second blog within the fortnight, and so I can say that I have been blogging more often already. My final resolution, that of flattening my stomach, is one I have yet to start, but I haven't had much of a chance - such things don't happen overnight, after all. Once I have settled into a routine with university work and general life, I will work in my efforts to improve my physical appearance.
This particular blog post has been a rather worry-strewn, emotional piece, and so I must thank you, the reader, for reading all the way through my concerns, which may one day seem petty even to me. And with that, I believe I have run out of things to talk about, and so I bid you farewell.
Turn End,
Devan
Monday 7 January 2013
It's the Final Countdown...
...Or not.
Tomorrow is the hand in day for my final piece of coursework for year 2 semester one at university. I spent the majority of yesterday afternoon, and the entirety of today working on it, and it has finally been uploaded and sent off for marking.
We were tasked with creating a youtube style video which talked about one of the topics we had discussed in our lectures for that module. Sensing an opportunity to talk about one of my great loves - the 'brony' fandom - I settled on the topic of 'quality'. My video goes into detail about the ways in which the show My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic attracts an audience of older teens and young adults alongside its target audience of primary school aged children (predominantly girls), and how this reflects on the quality of the franchise as a whole.
During the process of filming my 'v-log' I encountered a number of issues. Initially, I struggled to remember any of the lines I had written as a script. My constant failure with saying more than one sentence to a camera caused me to get ridiculously stressed and I had to stop for the night, as it was getting late and I knew it would take a while to calm down. I woke up today with renewed hope for filming the piece, as, at the advice of a friend, I had created 'cue cards' which i propped up just below my camera that I could reference whilst recording. Thus, the problem of speech was (almost) cured.
My next challenge was correctly focusing the camera. As I haven't got a tripod at home, my camera was placed on a pile of books at the right height and distance to achieve a good framing. My camera, however, does not have a flip screen, and I don't own a monitor. I was focusing on the back of the chair, my foot kicking out roughly to where my head would be, and eventually I asked my brother to sit in the chair. The focus problem was almost fixed then, but with my constantly getting up and checking on the camera as I recorded in segments, it was always at risk of being slightly out of focus.
When I had recorded all the clips for my video, which had taken about half of the day, I began putting them together on my computer. For some reason, there was a colour variance in the clips, although the lighting didn't change, and nor did my position - by a particularly considerable amount, anyway. I fiddled for a while in Premier Pro, and did my best to sort out the issue. The final product, I feel, did not come out too badly.
So, eventually, after blood, sweat and tears - well, maybe not blood, but there was certainly sweat and tears, and a few pulled hairs - I had completed my youtube video. There are a few things, had I the time, that I would improve on, but for a first attempt, with the constraints I had, I'd say it's not all that bad. For those interested, I bid you farewell with the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25hQafLum1g&feature=youtu.be
Turn End,
Devan.
Tomorrow is the hand in day for my final piece of coursework for year 2 semester one at university. I spent the majority of yesterday afternoon, and the entirety of today working on it, and it has finally been uploaded and sent off for marking.
We were tasked with creating a youtube style video which talked about one of the topics we had discussed in our lectures for that module. Sensing an opportunity to talk about one of my great loves - the 'brony' fandom - I settled on the topic of 'quality'. My video goes into detail about the ways in which the show My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic attracts an audience of older teens and young adults alongside its target audience of primary school aged children (predominantly girls), and how this reflects on the quality of the franchise as a whole.
During the process of filming my 'v-log' I encountered a number of issues. Initially, I struggled to remember any of the lines I had written as a script. My constant failure with saying more than one sentence to a camera caused me to get ridiculously stressed and I had to stop for the night, as it was getting late and I knew it would take a while to calm down. I woke up today with renewed hope for filming the piece, as, at the advice of a friend, I had created 'cue cards' which i propped up just below my camera that I could reference whilst recording. Thus, the problem of speech was (almost) cured.
My next challenge was correctly focusing the camera. As I haven't got a tripod at home, my camera was placed on a pile of books at the right height and distance to achieve a good framing. My camera, however, does not have a flip screen, and I don't own a monitor. I was focusing on the back of the chair, my foot kicking out roughly to where my head would be, and eventually I asked my brother to sit in the chair. The focus problem was almost fixed then, but with my constantly getting up and checking on the camera as I recorded in segments, it was always at risk of being slightly out of focus.
When I had recorded all the clips for my video, which had taken about half of the day, I began putting them together on my computer. For some reason, there was a colour variance in the clips, although the lighting didn't change, and nor did my position - by a particularly considerable amount, anyway. I fiddled for a while in Premier Pro, and did my best to sort out the issue. The final product, I feel, did not come out too badly.
So, eventually, after blood, sweat and tears - well, maybe not blood, but there was certainly sweat and tears, and a few pulled hairs - I had completed my youtube video. There are a few things, had I the time, that I would improve on, but for a first attempt, with the constraints I had, I'd say it's not all that bad. For those interested, I bid you farewell with the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25hQafLum1g&feature=youtu.be
Turn End,
Devan.
Sunday 30 December 2012
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...New Years?
Wow. So, in two days time it'll be 2013 - a whole new year. I can't decide whether this year has flown by for me or not. For some reason I would like a bit more time in 2012, but at the same time, I think quite a lot has happened in the space of this year - both good and bad things. Let's start at the very beginning (as it's a very good place to start):
I welcomed 2012 with open arms, sat in my university accommodation with the guy I rushed into a relationship with in late December, 2011. I hadn't wanted to go back to my hometown at all for that holiday, and rushed back to uni as soon as I could. It was quite a cosy new years celebration, I guess you could say, sat in the living room/kitchen with a glass of Schloer (I don't drink, you see).
Then the second semester of work started, and for the most part it was all good fun. One trend I did pick up on, however, is that most of the workload was being done by myself and the person who would become my flatmate for this year of university.
During my first semester there, I thoroughly enjoyed my time, and was in a good mood almost constantly - I had needed to get away from home, and moving to university came at just the right time. After entering into the relationship I previously mentioned, however, I started to cool down about the troubles I had staying at home, which was useful, as it meant I had less difficulty with the idea of going back home, however, I started to enjoy living in the house at uni less and less.
Looking back, I wish I hadn't felt it was the fault of my housemates as I had at the time - I am just a walking talking emotional roller-coaster, I don't think now that they ever once had anything to do with my bad moods. So if either of them are reading this - my apologies for how stupidly I may have acted towards you at any point last year.
Soon, the Easter/Summer holidays arrived. With no exam period on my course, easter merged straight into summer for me, so from April I was freed from university work. Having come to terms now with going home, I was happy to return, and in fact found that I missed the friends from my hometown a lot and loved being reunited with them. I also began to realise just how quickly I had entered into my relationship, and that actually I didn't feel that it would work out - so, he ended it. It may sound cruel, but I was relieved to be free of that commitment, because I knew I would just end up hurting him in the long run, and wasn't really enjoying my time.
In May, during my favourite bi-annual event, my ex's bad response to our break up meant that I could barely enjoy myself at the event, as he attended too, and every time he saw me, gave me the foulest look I have ever seen on a person's face. In hindsight, I realised how stupid I had been to allow his bad attitude to ruin my weekend, as in actual fact the event had been rather enjoyable, and I made some fantastic new friends, who I still talk to and am very close with today.
In late May, my father came to me with a proposal about his workplace - and I soon found myself with a job. This was the first time I had ever had a proper job, and I was terrified that I would slip up in my mannerisms, or perform badly, or some other such misfortune. Despite this, I made myself walk in with confidence every day, and soon found that my superiors were impressed with the work I did - even when I could pick a hundred faults in it. Everyone there was very friendly and very nice to me, and I soon felt confident enough to actually ask for opinions or clarifications on things - an action which I still struggle with at university. The only downside to this job is that it was a week-long 9-5 affair, meaning my free time was limited to the weekends, or the occasional day off, which were surprisingly easy to get if I asked soon enough.
Sometime in August, I believe it was, my old housemates and I reunited to take a short holiday to Cardiff. We had great fun in the city, which was walking distance from our hotel, and the sun shone for the entire 3 days we were there, which was certainly a bonus. We were also really close to Cardiff Bay, which meant getting to the Doctor Who Experience was a walk in the park - and that is certainly one of the best days of my life. The Experience is in two parts - an 'adventure' with the Doctor, and then an exhibition of props and costumes from the show.
As an individual with a big imagination, I thoroughly enjoyed the 'adventure' segment - being genuinly terrified at parts (there was a large room filled with weeping angels, with the lights flickering on and off. My fellow whovian housemate and I clung to each other, staring desperately at the statues as we walked past.). There was even a part where you got to 'fly' the Tardis, with several 'controls' spread around the console. One of these controls was free, but I was stuck across the other side of the room - the others in the room must have seen the desperation on my face, as they let me pass to operate it. All in all, that is not a week I'll forget in a hurry.
Soon, September rolled around, and with it the restart of university. I entered into my second year with a new flat, a new flatmate, and the same enthusiasm with which I had begun the course. I was eager to begin the work, but found a lot of planning work needed to be done beforehand.
As the semester went on, I found the work harder and harder to do, certain group members weren't performing well at their roles, and in general my enjoyment of the course lessened.
In truth, I'm still struggling to talk about this past semester without getting upset about it, as it feels as though the dreams I built up in my first year are crumbling around me. I find myself still to be greatly behind my course mates, skill-level-wise, and I am not capable of being authoritative - meaning that when I had roles within a group which put me in charge, other group members easily questioned my instructions and only led my already small confidence to dwindle further.
Due to my struggle at Year 2: Semester 1, I rushed back to my hometown at the earliest possible opportunity, in stark contrast to a year ago. During the summer, my eldest brother moved out of our house into his own with his girlfriend of many years, which lead me to wonder what would become of Christmas this year. It was actually quite a novel experience, as our family, and his girlfriend's family all piled into his house for the day. It didn't go entirely to plan as he was ill for half the day, having eaten something odd the night before. Thankfully he was able to join us for the lunch he was supposed to be cooking, and began to feel better over that.
So that's my year in a nutshell, with its positives and its negatives laid out. I hope that the new year will bring with it more positives than negatives, and I hope that I am able to rebuild my confidence with university. This year, I feel, will be focused on me trying to succeed at just one major thing, be it university work, my relationships with those around me, or who knows what else the year may bring? So for now, here's some small New Year's Resolutions:
- Cut down on Mountain Dew. I first started drinking this in June, when my course mate (now flatmate) came to stay. (That was another great fun event that I didn't write about above, as I'd already written such a lot) Since then I have grown fonder and fonder of the drink, and delighted in the new flavours I've discovered. It is, however, getting to be unhealthy with how much of it I drink, so I'm going to cut down on it.
- Flatten my stomach. I'm aware, that I'm not fat, and I don't think that I need to lose weight. However, I have been uncomfortable with the shape of my stomach for pretty much my entire life, and given that in May I'll be donning a costume that is skin-tight, I think my confidence to walk out in public wearing it needs for my stomach to finally be flat.
- Eat properly. Anyone who knows a student, or is or has been a student, is well aware of the trap one falls into when it comes to food. There's often not time, or money, or you just can't be bothered to cook something, let alone cook something that could be considered healthy. This year I don't want to let workloads get in the way of my personal well-being - I've been super stressed, and apparently it's possible that my poor eating habits have aided the stress. Eating properly will also help with my second resolution.
- Blog more. When I actually take some time out to sit down and write things out on here, I find that I really enjoy it. My problem is I tend to forget that this is here, or I don't think I have anything to write about. Clearly, there have been plenty of events in the last year that I could have written about, so I will be trying to write more blogs. I find that writing everything down and publishing it so that people might see it is a good way of exerting some stress or an overload of emotion. Often I tend to bottle things up and writing them down is almost as good a relief as managing to tell someone what is going on in my mind.
So with those four monumental tasks set, (and yes, for me, those are large challenges) I wish everyone a happy new year and good luck with their own resolutions.
Turn End.
Devan.
I welcomed 2012 with open arms, sat in my university accommodation with the guy I rushed into a relationship with in late December, 2011. I hadn't wanted to go back to my hometown at all for that holiday, and rushed back to uni as soon as I could. It was quite a cosy new years celebration, I guess you could say, sat in the living room/kitchen with a glass of Schloer (I don't drink, you see).
Then the second semester of work started, and for the most part it was all good fun. One trend I did pick up on, however, is that most of the workload was being done by myself and the person who would become my flatmate for this year of university.
During my first semester there, I thoroughly enjoyed my time, and was in a good mood almost constantly - I had needed to get away from home, and moving to university came at just the right time. After entering into the relationship I previously mentioned, however, I started to cool down about the troubles I had staying at home, which was useful, as it meant I had less difficulty with the idea of going back home, however, I started to enjoy living in the house at uni less and less.
Looking back, I wish I hadn't felt it was the fault of my housemates as I had at the time - I am just a walking talking emotional roller-coaster, I don't think now that they ever once had anything to do with my bad moods. So if either of them are reading this - my apologies for how stupidly I may have acted towards you at any point last year.
Soon, the Easter/Summer holidays arrived. With no exam period on my course, easter merged straight into summer for me, so from April I was freed from university work. Having come to terms now with going home, I was happy to return, and in fact found that I missed the friends from my hometown a lot and loved being reunited with them. I also began to realise just how quickly I had entered into my relationship, and that actually I didn't feel that it would work out - so, he ended it. It may sound cruel, but I was relieved to be free of that commitment, because I knew I would just end up hurting him in the long run, and wasn't really enjoying my time.
In May, during my favourite bi-annual event, my ex's bad response to our break up meant that I could barely enjoy myself at the event, as he attended too, and every time he saw me, gave me the foulest look I have ever seen on a person's face. In hindsight, I realised how stupid I had been to allow his bad attitude to ruin my weekend, as in actual fact the event had been rather enjoyable, and I made some fantastic new friends, who I still talk to and am very close with today.
In late May, my father came to me with a proposal about his workplace - and I soon found myself with a job. This was the first time I had ever had a proper job, and I was terrified that I would slip up in my mannerisms, or perform badly, or some other such misfortune. Despite this, I made myself walk in with confidence every day, and soon found that my superiors were impressed with the work I did - even when I could pick a hundred faults in it. Everyone there was very friendly and very nice to me, and I soon felt confident enough to actually ask for opinions or clarifications on things - an action which I still struggle with at university. The only downside to this job is that it was a week-long 9-5 affair, meaning my free time was limited to the weekends, or the occasional day off, which were surprisingly easy to get if I asked soon enough.
Sometime in August, I believe it was, my old housemates and I reunited to take a short holiday to Cardiff. We had great fun in the city, which was walking distance from our hotel, and the sun shone for the entire 3 days we were there, which was certainly a bonus. We were also really close to Cardiff Bay, which meant getting to the Doctor Who Experience was a walk in the park - and that is certainly one of the best days of my life. The Experience is in two parts - an 'adventure' with the Doctor, and then an exhibition of props and costumes from the show.
As an individual with a big imagination, I thoroughly enjoyed the 'adventure' segment - being genuinly terrified at parts (there was a large room filled with weeping angels, with the lights flickering on and off. My fellow whovian housemate and I clung to each other, staring desperately at the statues as we walked past.). There was even a part where you got to 'fly' the Tardis, with several 'controls' spread around the console. One of these controls was free, but I was stuck across the other side of the room - the others in the room must have seen the desperation on my face, as they let me pass to operate it. All in all, that is not a week I'll forget in a hurry.
Soon, September rolled around, and with it the restart of university. I entered into my second year with a new flat, a new flatmate, and the same enthusiasm with which I had begun the course. I was eager to begin the work, but found a lot of planning work needed to be done beforehand.
As the semester went on, I found the work harder and harder to do, certain group members weren't performing well at their roles, and in general my enjoyment of the course lessened.
In truth, I'm still struggling to talk about this past semester without getting upset about it, as it feels as though the dreams I built up in my first year are crumbling around me. I find myself still to be greatly behind my course mates, skill-level-wise, and I am not capable of being authoritative - meaning that when I had roles within a group which put me in charge, other group members easily questioned my instructions and only led my already small confidence to dwindle further.
Due to my struggle at Year 2: Semester 1, I rushed back to my hometown at the earliest possible opportunity, in stark contrast to a year ago. During the summer, my eldest brother moved out of our house into his own with his girlfriend of many years, which lead me to wonder what would become of Christmas this year. It was actually quite a novel experience, as our family, and his girlfriend's family all piled into his house for the day. It didn't go entirely to plan as he was ill for half the day, having eaten something odd the night before. Thankfully he was able to join us for the lunch he was supposed to be cooking, and began to feel better over that.
So that's my year in a nutshell, with its positives and its negatives laid out. I hope that the new year will bring with it more positives than negatives, and I hope that I am able to rebuild my confidence with university. This year, I feel, will be focused on me trying to succeed at just one major thing, be it university work, my relationships with those around me, or who knows what else the year may bring? So for now, here's some small New Year's Resolutions:
- Cut down on Mountain Dew. I first started drinking this in June, when my course mate (now flatmate) came to stay. (That was another great fun event that I didn't write about above, as I'd already written such a lot) Since then I have grown fonder and fonder of the drink, and delighted in the new flavours I've discovered. It is, however, getting to be unhealthy with how much of it I drink, so I'm going to cut down on it.
- Flatten my stomach. I'm aware, that I'm not fat, and I don't think that I need to lose weight. However, I have been uncomfortable with the shape of my stomach for pretty much my entire life, and given that in May I'll be donning a costume that is skin-tight, I think my confidence to walk out in public wearing it needs for my stomach to finally be flat.
- Eat properly. Anyone who knows a student, or is or has been a student, is well aware of the trap one falls into when it comes to food. There's often not time, or money, or you just can't be bothered to cook something, let alone cook something that could be considered healthy. This year I don't want to let workloads get in the way of my personal well-being - I've been super stressed, and apparently it's possible that my poor eating habits have aided the stress. Eating properly will also help with my second resolution.
- Blog more. When I actually take some time out to sit down and write things out on here, I find that I really enjoy it. My problem is I tend to forget that this is here, or I don't think I have anything to write about. Clearly, there have been plenty of events in the last year that I could have written about, so I will be trying to write more blogs. I find that writing everything down and publishing it so that people might see it is a good way of exerting some stress or an overload of emotion. Often I tend to bottle things up and writing them down is almost as good a relief as managing to tell someone what is going on in my mind.
So with those four monumental tasks set, (and yes, for me, those are large challenges) I wish everyone a happy new year and good luck with their own resolutions.
Turn End.
Devan.
Thursday 22 November 2012
...Nothing At All...
Sometimes, in the crazy haze of work and busyness, you've just got to stop and think. There may be an enormous amount of things to do, but will rushing to get as much done as quickly as possible really produce the best results? By doing things for the sake of it, the end product will come out rushed and of much lower quality than if you took time and care throughout the process. And if you're not in the mood to work, if you do so regardless what you make is bound to be doomed to a lesser grade, or lower praise.
Deadlines are closing in for my coursework modules and I am panicking. To most, on the outside I'm calm, comfortable, maybe even confident in what work I have got done. But in actuality, inside I am running circles, certain that no matter what I've done I haven't done enough work. And when I'm not forcing myself awake until 3am trying unsuccessfully to produce as much written work as possible, I'm sat around doing nothing, knowing I should be doing something, but finding myself incapable of lifting a finger. This is one of the worst sensations ever - knowing what must be done but lacking the 'oomph' to do so, and then worrying that everyone will hate you for being like that.
But what if that is a good thing? Sure, my university work is the most important thing for me at the moment, and all of my time and attention should be spent getting the best grade I can, but is that really healthy? We're burning ourselves out spending extended periods of time trying to improve on the quantity of work we get done - only yesterday a group of us stayed on the university campus for 9 hours and upon returning home, got on with some more work - but at present I'm sat curled up in my duvet writing this out, rather than, say, researching Nick Broomfield like I ought to be. Are these long sessions of work causing us to have even longer periods of what I shall now lovingly dub 'Can't be Arsed Syndrome'? Is it perhaps our way of telling ourselves 'woah, cool off, you're trying to do too much!'? Maybe.
So for now, whilst I know I ought to be doing work, the more I try to force myself to do, the harder it will be for me to do any, so I will rest during this period of time. I'll do something fun, or just chat to my friends, or maybe embark on a much-needed raid of the fridge. -insert sound of grumbling stomach here- I know that soon enough that urge to do work will come back, because of how important it is, and I will take the moment firmly with both hands, and make the most out of it.
This may just sound like a lazy student trying to excuse her lack of action, but I know from experience that if I try to do any of it now, whilst suffering from 'CBAS', that nothing will get done and I'll be more frustrated than ever, whereas if I wait it out I may well pull an amazing piece of work out of the bag and stun everyone. You never know.
So today, I don't feel like doing anything. And maybe that's okay.
Turn End.
Devan.
Deadlines are closing in for my coursework modules and I am panicking. To most, on the outside I'm calm, comfortable, maybe even confident in what work I have got done. But in actuality, inside I am running circles, certain that no matter what I've done I haven't done enough work. And when I'm not forcing myself awake until 3am trying unsuccessfully to produce as much written work as possible, I'm sat around doing nothing, knowing I should be doing something, but finding myself incapable of lifting a finger. This is one of the worst sensations ever - knowing what must be done but lacking the 'oomph' to do so, and then worrying that everyone will hate you for being like that.
But what if that is a good thing? Sure, my university work is the most important thing for me at the moment, and all of my time and attention should be spent getting the best grade I can, but is that really healthy? We're burning ourselves out spending extended periods of time trying to improve on the quantity of work we get done - only yesterday a group of us stayed on the university campus for 9 hours and upon returning home, got on with some more work - but at present I'm sat curled up in my duvet writing this out, rather than, say, researching Nick Broomfield like I ought to be. Are these long sessions of work causing us to have even longer periods of what I shall now lovingly dub 'Can't be Arsed Syndrome'? Is it perhaps our way of telling ourselves 'woah, cool off, you're trying to do too much!'? Maybe.
So for now, whilst I know I ought to be doing work, the more I try to force myself to do, the harder it will be for me to do any, so I will rest during this period of time. I'll do something fun, or just chat to my friends, or maybe embark on a much-needed raid of the fridge. -insert sound of grumbling stomach here- I know that soon enough that urge to do work will come back, because of how important it is, and I will take the moment firmly with both hands, and make the most out of it.
This may just sound like a lazy student trying to excuse her lack of action, but I know from experience that if I try to do any of it now, whilst suffering from 'CBAS', that nothing will get done and I'll be more frustrated than ever, whereas if I wait it out I may well pull an amazing piece of work out of the bag and stun everyone. You never know.
So today, I don't feel like doing anything. And maybe that's okay.
Turn End.
Devan.
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